few wk many many thing had happen to me like all the sad thing is keep coming to me like r/s frenzship family n stuff n i was almos turn away frm god aga bt some hw god keep tellin me to stay on don giv up bt i told god god i really donnoe wad to do anymor n i wen to cut myself i tot i it will b the end of the story bt god protact me wen i cut my waist bt nth come i cut it many many time nth cme out no blood no nth i was wondering y like tis den i saw another kinf n i use it to cut bt same thing i even c my blood cming out den i stoped to cut myself yokeling n jul was quit wrry 4 me n they keep calling n calling me non stop that nite is my longest nite n my kor nt hm too my mama wen hm late so she didnt noe anything so yap den the nxt day is svc bt i m like half dead cos of thinkin of my pro n stuff n some more didnt slp much cos n i was like god cn i don go 4 e svc bt in end i stil wen to 2 svc bt i was v sad jul n yokeling n the rest didnt noe i keep crying inside the svc i really feel v dwn until prias n worship wen i started to song prais my heart was peacful n i was ok wen started i c the drama its remain me they r jus like me den i keep on my eye i v forcus on tat n teaching i was touch by e teaching is dec 15 i cnt 4gt tat day the sermom is funny bt i didnt laugh cos i'm sad actually b4 svc start i wen to toilet to cry anyway the sermon was touching my heart so i cried yap wen the singer singing 5 load 2 fish i was keep cry n cry its really touch my heart lot i told god take my 5 load n 2 fish n use it i surrder all to u after tat i was quit happy bt it didnt last long at all wen celebrate xz bday i was v quite n stoning nobody noes bt somehw wen we wen hm yokeling started to ask me y i tot her all the thing tat had happen n wad my kor said to me b4 i wen out i cried wen i tell her all the thing b4 we wen in the mrt ther she pray 4 me bt inside the mrt i was cryin all the way til wdl i didnt noe y n i keep think abt my r/s de pro den wen hm bt surprisly my hus door didnt lock den wen hm online 4 awhile den wen to slp
sunday 16 dec
i wake up at 1 plus feeling v bored so smsed my frenz n gan mei den was feelin v sad n sianz den kaisze called me ask me wan to go out den we wen out den inside the bus i was tellin god tat if she is the one tat will clar my mind den anoit her to speak to me n yes god send her to me wen i meet her i was like blur blur donnoe where is she she saw me n call me den we started to walk she keep askin me am i ok den i was like i'm ok bt she really felt tat i had alot of pro so she keep askin me den i n her wen to eat den we find some place to sit dwn n i donnoe y started to pour all my thought n thing n pro to her n she noe n understand hw i feel ok so i noe after the long converstion we wen back to shoppin haha den wen hm abt 6 plus den wes quit gald tat she wen out wid mehaha..den after tat she told me tat time she was looking in her phon bk n my name cme into her mind so she wen to call me haha really feel tat is really god's will haha...
22 dec
wen to svc as usual i was v happy at 1st bt jul, jas n reb somehw spoil my mood n i really feel like gng hm bt still wen to svc den the drama is no link to the christam i was like huh wad de no link at all man den reb convent to my church yah welcome reb to our hope family v happy i gt my own convert alt is nt my bt some hw cn say so too haha jul also part of our family too (i think so) if jul convert tat means i had my own convert le yah... alt i may nt be her shpd bt i still v happy den after svc i pull jas to eat same food haha den after eatin wen to to ben n jerry to eat den wen to hary's bar to hav some drink den jul told xz michael is cming bt xz was staring at me n saying y he cme join us i was lik e... hw i noe den jul told her sayin she ask him to accpany her there after tat kennth n ting feng wen to join us also den kennth ask me to fellowship wid them so i wen to join them n leave they all den kennth bless me wid a ice lemon tea wen his drink cme i was askin him cn i tease den he let me after tat ting feng wen cme also i also teas it after tat i was like ok abit giddy already den wen we go jul was drunk me also kennth also den we to take nr bt i n kennth join the tp ppl den wen hm abt 4 plus reach hm charing my phone den i relise i gt lot of sms den i wen to sms tat ppl at there i was ok le den wen to slp
24 dec
some hw i felt tat i'm lost at 1st i dint noe until michael scolded me anw i wen to meet michael to pass him the christams card n stuff den emily was there also we teach her hw to read bible n hw to do qt den after tat they left i took bus to newton to meet them after tat alot of ppl cme also den wen to the place is a game cafe den we were playing abt 10 plus we wen to carolin on the stresst den wen back abt 11 plus some of them wen back hm den we was afew ppl left den i started to play game wid vincent they all den wen count dwn after tat we was starying ard use the stry on our hand den bully the other n we were having alot of fun esp me ken n yao ming we were like taking revent of each other so funny den after tat wen to ps stay at there until nxt day den tak mrt to go hm hehe..
25 dec
steph chalet haha at 1st i wen to slp until 4 plus den asked som1 to go wid me also anw he had ready promiss steph wen there abt 10 plus gng to 11 den stay at there eat abit den watch haven almigty kanna shooted by the show bt sm1 keep saying oh i wan to slp le tml den say haha den abt 3 plus den slp 11 plus den wake up wen hm to take extra cloth den wen bac meet emily at the station wen to walk walk den emily wen to buy necklact to wear she brough 4 me also den wen tgt to the chalet on our way we tokin abt god n she reall hav the huger of god den yes it is den i share wid her my experince of recived the holy sprit den she asked us to pray den i was like huh ok bt at the end we didn pray 4 her bt still i will pray 4 her de anyway after tat alot of ppl cme den jeff n windyz cme also yah jeff mayb cming back to church i'm so happy to c tat really i was v sad tat he wan to leave church so yap den we wen to tok n i gt to noe windyz haha he is a v nice guy over all haha den he told me i v frenzly n stuff i was like ohok haha... den abt 10 plus we wen to brought alochol haha den i drink the 5% wan haha where by the rest drink much more den me hahaha... den i keep drink the alchol bt i didn drunk at all haha den watch haven altmigty aga bt i watch half way i fall aslp until 4 plus kanna wake up by some1 den slp aga den wake up abt 11plus den pack my bag den wen out anw wen i refect myself wid emily i found tat i lost the 1st love 4 god i was use to be like her wanting to noe all the thing bt nw where is the me tat really desier god word where am i nw who am i really? i'm no more the me tat really love god anymor where is my love gone to?where is the me tat really love god wrds? i donnoe i really donnoe i am lost in some way or some where i wan to find back the love i wan to find bac the me tat i v hugry 4 god thisty 4 his sprity i really donnoe where am i who am i really i'm lost in the jugles nw who cn really tell me?
love;
